.... the waiting room is busy and a lineup has formed - the secretary is just returning from lunch and she notes the growing line and attempts to answer questions from a patient who is just leaving.... a young man is interested in my tattoos and we share stories for a few minutes while waiting and then I am in my seat occupying my time with a crossword magazine....
Number 2 is called and I refrain from calling out 'Bingo' in my usual humorous self - I am smiling today but not feeling all that humorous - still tired from being woken up again a number of times through the night. Miss Lydia is still a little under the weather but on her way to a full recovery. The timing isn't great but it is what it is and a snuggle from Dad gets her to sleep again.... I wasn't so fortunate. I make my way into the exam room which has a great view of the north side of the city... four weeks ago, I remember standing in the window before my first surgery and now here I am again. The haze from the humid mid-afternoon is clinging along the top of the tree line like a fog and the wind is bending them to and fro just like the grasses below that have filled in the gardens nicely since the last time I viewed them from this vantage point. I put the gown on front open for the surgeon to see and I wait until I hear him knock and then enter...
He has such a great smile and I like him.... he is happy that the pathology report is finally done and comments on how long it took - no kidding!! We smile at each other and then he exams me. 'You heal amazingly fast', he exclaims as he inspects his handy work. Yes, he has done a tremendous job but he now informs me that he must open me up again but this time I need all my lymph nodes removed from the upper breast and under-pit. He will be inserting a drain so that we can minimize or avoid any edema (swelling) in the limb and I will likely be numb in the underside of the arm.... oh dear did I just say that I could have another tattoo and not feel it?! Not a great time for humor but now I am in response mode and am making a pathetic bid at lightening a situation.... I am to take my folder over to his secretary and he is sure that she will have me pencilled in for next week. Once the surgery is completed then we are talking chemo and radiation. Oh fun fun fun!!! I am now talking to Trudy who has pencilled me in and I will be back into the surgical suite for next Tuesday the 25th. She smiles up at me and wishes me good luck... deja vous!!
I am now on my way out of the hospital and thinking that I need to call the dentist office to inform them that the Tuesday appointments will have to be cancelled and could we rebook? Tanya says its no problem and is concerned that I am OK... perhaps she can hear it in my voice, I know I detect a quiver and I can feel the tears coming up. Talk to you soon and say hi to everyone. I pay for my ticket and make my way to the car... call Max and let him know that I have cancelled the appointments and that he now must cancel our wedding anniversary plans for Tuesday because we will be at the hospital. We have been married 8 years on Tuesday and how ironic that it is the day we made our vows for better or for worse.... I hang up because I now desperately want to go back home.
I am keeping the tears at bay but I am weaving through traffic and road construction on Wonderland Rd South when this young woman cuts me off in traffic and then has the nerve to give me the finger.... dammit, my day is already tough enough so why does she have to really take it down another notch... now she is pulling up beside me and giving me the finger for the third time!!!!! I tell her 'look, you already cut me off and now you are giving me the finger - you really are stupid'. It did not make me feel any better but between the tears and now the anger I am relieved that I can turn onto another road to avoid any further digit swaying..... if she only knew.... we sometimes forget that we really do not know what is going on in others around us. I am so glad that I did not show her the finger but still not proud of reacting at all. I am shaking as I turn into my driveway... another quick call to Max but the tears are starting and I just can't speak....
I have four days to get ready for the next chapter and hope that I can heal just as fast as before... the phone rings and I am talking to admissions - wow that was fast - and pre-admission will be calling me on Monday to ask me questions... after all, it hasn't been that long since my last surgery. Oh, Sue... I will be needing your OR bear again... he has been patiently waiting beside my desk still wearing my ID tag and I can see him out of the corner of my eye as I type in this blog at 2:30 in the afternoon. I am scared but relieved that we are on our way....
No comments:
Post a Comment