I finally managed to get through almost an entire day without having a nap!!! I am feeling better but nowhere close to being myself yet. The fatigue is still a constant reminder and pulls at me when I push myself off the couch to make a cup of tea. My cold is still hanging in and I can feel the tickle in my throat... I can safely say that it is finally abating but taking its time in doing so. Debbie D. has emailed me through facebook the night before last and would like to bring supper for my family and I am grateful for the offer and jump at the opportunity for a guest. She arrives in the afternoon and expertly finds a spot in the fridge for the Chicken casserole that she has made... she announces that her kids didn't like it and I grin... so like Debbie in her very down-to-earth way!! xoxo We get a chance to chat and then she is off after hugs and best wishes. You are a total sweetheart with a huge heart!! Later in the afternoon, my spidey senses tell me to check my work emails online, which I do anyway every few days to clean it up, but today the feeling was a little more pressing....
.... and there they were, a series of emails naming 8 co-conspirators who have decided to organize a 'Marita's supper club'. Each person has agreed to provide my family with a meal one evening of the week starting with Tuesday 27 October..... I sat in my chair so stunned and did not realize the tears had started and were now spilling down my face in torrents. I am speechless and when Max returns my call, I cannot speak through the emotions and he waits patiently on the other end while I wipe my tears and find the words. He is silent and you can hear his words waver as he quietly says how very fortunate we are. One less thing for Max to have to coordinate and he is deeply grateful.. working two jobs and staying up late to mark a few hundred projects has left him with little time and energy. He never complains. Our first dinner comes by way of Bondi's Pizza from Mandi - the children were ecstatic and it hit all the right spots... thank you my friend.... for everything. oxoxoxoxo
I take bedtimes with Lydia so that Max can mark his projects and get to bed at a reasonable time. Our meetings are always in my bed these days and Lydia finds comfort in snuggling in next to me while I read to her. It is something we have always done - it is a sense of comfort for her. I have more energy tonight and she kisses me often and lets me know how much she loves me. She tells me that she knows I will do my very best to get better and that she knows that I love her no matter what happens - she even likes my hair and makes every attempt to style the 1/2 inch sticking up but no clips will stay in. Oh well, at least she can wash it and makes plans to get me in the bath tomorrow night. I fall asleep before she does and her little voice wakes me up with a jerk a number of times before I tell her to go to sleep...... I am too tired to open my eyes and her little hand finds its way to my cheek and gives me a pat.... I love you mommy, no matter what happens......
Mitchel is getting picked on at school... I think more than anything, he is painfully aware of his emotions and has always worn them on his sleeve... the kids might not know what he is thinking but I am sure they sense that his guard is down. I have written a note to his teacher and her lovely card evoked yet more emotion as she promises to keep an eye out on him and will let me know how he is doing. The staff at the school all know and they are watching over my two youngest children. Mitchel should hopefully feel more confident as the school year progresses and sees that he has the support in place that he needs.... this will be a growing up year for him in many ways.
William is still sick but maintains the mask while outside of his room and around others... he understands that he must be diligent. He comes to talk to me on Monday evening and lets me know that his girlfriend's mother has fallen off the wagon again and that she is taking it out on her and her brother. The brother will be taken in by Dad who lives a few blocks away but she is on her own. No problem Will, she can stay with us as long as she needs. Her father gives permission and her mother calls Will to confirm that she is safe. Poor soul, so young and just needing some stable parents who are mature enough to handle their own lives for a change. She comes to the door crying and I hold her for a few minutes before getting her some leftovers to eat.... we heat her up something from the fridge and get the rest of the family to help make a bed for her and get her settled.... I am heading for bed. No matter what is going on, I am still there for my children.
Thursday 29 October.....
..... going to Yoga class this morning despite the fact that I still feel wiped and my nose is still running. I use the Neti pot and then climb into a hot shower. I look at my face in the mirror and realize that the skin is looking grey around the edges and mottled with spots across the forehead. I have deep rings under my eyes.... I did not sleep well and feel a little edgy. My sense of smell has gone into overdrive and even anything with a slight scent is giving me a headache these days. My hearing too has become as sensitive to sounds as my eyes are to light. The hormones are clearly into overdrive and I feel weepy one minute and angry the next..... this will not bode well later in the day.....
Yoga was wonderful and the girls thought the hair looked great. I was able to feel a sense of normalcy for the first time in a week and stayed to have tea and chat with them after class. Soon it was time to go home and grab a bite. I am hungry a lot these past few days.... voracious more like it. I will eat a portion and find myself getting more food a short while later - apparently this is normal.
I have managed to do light household chores but these tend to tire me easily and just going up the stairs gets me winded and I have to sit down. Not exactly the high energy status I am used to having. Doing laundry yesterday was a day long task along with light cleaning.... I have noticed since I have been unavailable for the past week that things are piling up fast and not much is getting done around the house. I am grateful for the supper club that has come to our rescue because by the time dinner is ready to be made.... I am ready for bed!! So the weepy eyes leaves quickly this evening and the angry eyes show up..... will these mood swings settle soon? I am upset over a few tasks that I had asked Max to do and he has forgotten even after a number of reminders..... instead of a reasonable conversation.... I begin to rant. Somehow, I feel forgotten and not important as I recount the simple items that needed to be addressed while I was incapacitated. It seems ridiculous to Max as he attempts to tell me that I am being unreasonable.... so now I am unreasonable and the point I was trying to make - I really need to know you are there for me and not ignoring me.... fell on deaf ears. Like all arguments that are heated.... there are always two sides. I would have been OK had it not been for the phone call that followed only a few minutes later. I did say that I did not really want to discuss why I was so mad or why my voice was now an octave higher but instead of backing off and calling back - the advice being dispensed on the other end and the immediate need to defend her son pushed every other button I had left inside..... only one thing left to do - I promptly hung up. I just needed support and an apology for not giving the dog her medication for a few days and for not doing the laundry, dishes or cleaning the bathroom that I need to use everyday...... I will be back on line, but right now because I am not, please just help without having to be reminded every day. I guess I am not Super Mom this week and now I know that for one week out of three I will be out of commission so I will devise a handy little chore chart for everyone to look at and note that they are not merely suggestions. For the other two, I will do as much as my limitations will allow for. As for my mother-in-law..... a few days of cooling off will hopefully bring an understanding of maybe the crazy life I am living right now and that I don't need advice.... just your love and support of which you are so good at.
Thank you to the Supper Club for the meals we have been receiving like clock work.... they have helped us tremendously. xoxoxo Pam, I didn't mean to get weepy when you popped in to bring your yummy dinner but I was quite overwhelmed with the love you brought with you as you deposited the dishes on the counter. Thank you to everyone who has offered support and kind words along our journey. This illness has caused stress in our daily lives and affects each one of us in our household just a little differently but we are not alone..... Thank you so much!! xoxox A special thanks to Max for doing the little things for me this morning that I cannot do myself and for understanding that there will be pitfalls along the path and that for better or for worse we will weather the storms that come our way together. xoxo <3
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