Monday, September 15, 2014
.... preparing for radiation....
.... and not being able to gauge how I really feel about this next procedure. I have been told that the radiation treatments will be painful to the sternum for a short while before the pain I have been experiencing starts to abate after the cancer is hopefully incinerated. I have been warned that it will affect my skin and possibly do some damage to the structures beneath it.
The skin between my breasts and along the sternum is very sensitive to the touch... bordering on painful. even if i just gently run my fingers along the bone. It feels like a bad sunburn - and I haven't even had my first treatment yet. I pray that we just affect the tumour and not cause any further damage.
The new pain medication is working to relax and give me some much needed rest. It is an organic prescribed pain killer, which we spent the weekend converting to a medicinal rub and additive to my evening tea. It is suspended in coconut oil as a base and preserve to prevent it from spoiling. The rub has been working well on the skin providing much needed relief from the constant ache. Ingesting a small amount before bed allows me to sleep pain free and wake up in the morning with the energy needed to sail through my day. Pain free sleep is a blessing - it is the time of night when I am able to recharge the batteries and face the day with a better outlook.
Last evening I tried to help Max in the garden. It is no longer possible for me to pull plants without causing the sternum to protest and send pain shooting into the arms only to be followed with numbness and then more pain. Bending over still causes issues with the Vaga nerve that runs along my neck. I feel old.... and am just hoping that with the treatments I can begin to feel better...
I just asked a friend of mine to help me to make a video. What kind of video? A friend of mine reminded me a few nights ago that the one thing that bothers her the most about the passing of her mother when she was 14 years old; was not being able to remember what her mother's voice sounded like or that she never got to know her mother as an adult. It suddenly occured to me that I needed to undertake this project soon before any more time elapsed. While I think I still have lots of time left... time has a way of getting away from us.... it passes quickly. Celine was amazing and wonderfully patient, kind and loving..... her children are so lucky to have her. She took two hours of her time to 'interview' me so I could tell my children some of the things I wanted them to know and how special they are to me... and my Max. It was a deeply emotional experience and I am grateful that Celine came in on her weekend off to help me. She is editing and incorporating pictures we gave her on a thumb drive.
Monday 29th September
- today will start day 6 of 10 of radiation treatments and I have just realized that the cough I have been developing is not so much radiation related as it is my first cold in over a year. Despite my best efforts to remain sick-free, alas, it is the school season and its hard to disinfect after helping my students on their computers. It happens every year and this year will be no exception.
I can tell the radiation is working because the hump that had formed a few inches below the clavical has reduced in size and is less sensitive to the touch. It is still radiation and with that comes its own set of risks for more cancers in the future. With all the vitamins and chlorophyll I take daily..... we are hoping to reduce the total impact to the body by assisting with the healing process.
REIKI is going well. It allows me to connect with myself on a spiritual level. On Thursday, Janet was working on me when I felt a few interuptions in the flow of energy..... she would tell me later that I had a'visit' from my cousin who had passed... I couldn't think of any cousin except the one in the hospital in Germany who is dying of cancer.... could it be him?? Either way, it was a comforting message. He basically told her that he was looking out for me. There are a lot of skeptics out there but I really believe he did come to see me.
School is super busy but really enjoyable in between all the appointmenta and running around to get things done. So busy that I decided the family needed a much deserved vacation.... so we have booked it for the week after Max and I finish teaching this semester. The kids are excited and so is Max. William will be coming with us and is looking forward to chilling with his brother.